Trophy Wife Training (Satire)
I trained myself to be a trophy wife this past summer. That’s right: a TROPHY. WIFE. Let me explain.
First of all: I am not married, nor do I plan on being married within the next 5 years.
When you think of a “trophy wife”, what comes to mind? If it’s a health-conscious, happy, well-groomed, social, charismatic, fashionable, physically fit, skilled, multi-faceted, well-rounded, compassionate, and attractive woman, then you and I have the right idea. Notice how I didn’t say stay-at-home wife…I trained myself to manifest all of the braggable qualities a trophy wife has while still maintaining and excelling at my career. So, what did this training entail? See below.
Learn to cook for yourself and others. Have a few specialties.
Learn to bake for yourself and others. Again, have a few specialties.
Learn to clean after yourself and help others who may need it
Eat healthy, but don’t be boring about it (don’t be snobby at restaurants, just make sure you’re balancing the food with an overall healthy lifestyle and fitness routine)
Have a fitness routine.
Have a daily makeup routine and glam makeup routine. Get the right products.
Have a daily hair routine and glam hair routine. Again, right products.
Have a daily skincare routine. See a trend here? Products matter. More on these later.
Have a staple wardrobe/closet. DO NOT GIVE IN TO FAST FASHION.
Smile more. Laugh more. Listen more.
Have an overall clean aura: clean nails, clean teeth, non-wrinkly clothing.
Become a conversationist. If this is difficult, google ice breaker questions and card games.
Be open-minded to exploring new foods, activities, and entertainment.
Plan special events ahead. Plan more special events too.
Treat everyone with kindness and be conscientious. Never go to a home empty-handed. Always write thank-you notes. Check in on family members and friends.
As you can see, these points are the opposite of dependence. I realized that in order to be the best version of myself both within and outside of a relationship, I must truly understand myself and be able to live fully independent…for it is our independent and unique qualities that make us attractive. Our compassion makes us likeable. Our drive makes us inspiring. Work on yourself to inspire others, and eventually everything else will align. After all, who wouldn’t want to brag about a #GirlBoss wife/girlfriend?
Speaking of trophy wives and relationships, be sure to check out my latest comedy set!
